1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:04,080 (singing) If you try to tame her, you're in for a fight 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,520 Her bark can knock you, so can her bite 3 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:13,080 Sugar leaves and diamonds and pearls 4 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:17,240 Those are the things she likes 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,000 She's a cream cake of icing and swirls 6 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,080 She's a real doozy 7 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:26,360 Makes my heart go woozy 8 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,000 She is my golden girl 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,680 Woo! 10 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,080 Brothers and sisters! 11 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,320 Nothing warms my soul more heartedly 12 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:43,440 than to see us, the great great great grandchildren of former slaves, 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,920 sitting on the green hills of England with the granddaughter of a former slave owner, 14 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,320 eating caviar from an ice swan. 15 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,600 Amen. - Amen! 16 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,200 Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes. 17 00:00:58,640 --> 00:00:59,320 You okay in there? 18 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,200 Peachy. 19 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,760 Lauren hates the countryside. 20 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,720 Anything natural and wholesome creeps her out. 21 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,560 I don't like walking where animals shit. Is that so weird? 22 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,960 Don't worry darling, we've hunted almost everything to extinction. 23 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,040 Ahh. No one staring, no one throwing cabbages, 24 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,200 no one asking, 'Where you from?' and you saying, 'England,' 25 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,200 and them saying, 'No, but where are you really from?' 26 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,880 Never been more happy in my life. 27 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,240 It's a darling little pad, isn't it? 28 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,720 I almost forget we have it. 29 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,280 Come here, you. 30 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,800 (kissing) 31 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,040 I'm gonna hide. If you find me, I'll let you-, 32 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,400 Guys, me and Victoria, we're gonna go all the way. 33 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,560 What? 34 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:50,560 You mean you haven't-, 35 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,760 What was all that sex noise going on night and day? 36 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,680 Sex isn't just about penetration. 37 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,360 There's fingers, there's oral, 38 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,960 there's oral fingers-, - Oral fingers? 39 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,240 Look, I'm just saying sex is a full-body experience. 40 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,280 It's not just about putting it in. 41 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,880 But it is mainly about that, so I'm gonna put it in. 42 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,680 Coming, ready or not! 43 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,560 Make sure you use a sheath! 44 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,600 Ha-ha! Sheath! 45 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,600 You mean condom! 46 00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,080 It's a condom! 47 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:37,360 Boo! 48 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,400 Baby, where are you? 49 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,400 Ha! 50 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:56,800 Aha! 51 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:58,920 Aha! 52 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:01,720 That looks boring. 53 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,200 Mm-hmm. 54 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,400 Oh my gosh, the print is tiny. You'll never finish it. 55 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:09,840 Let me help you. 56 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,480 She witnesses a murder, goes into witness protection 57 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,960 and ends up changing the fortunes of an inner city nun's choir. 58 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,440 That is Sister Act. 59 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,960 Buenos dias, hermano y hermanes! 60 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,520 Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to play 61 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,000 mystery murder? 62 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,360 'Who the heck murdered Camilla, 63 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,160 a role-play adventure by Horace Cunningham.' 64 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,960 These, my friends, are your characters for the game. 65 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:47,320 All will fall under suspicion, but only one of us can be the murderer! 66 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,560 (dramatic chord) 67 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:53,120 'Raul the Argentinian playboy, lingerie salesman 68 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,600 and heartbreaker with a heart of gold.' 69 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,720 At your service, Señorita. 70 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,760 I came to England to escape the mean streets of Buenos Aires 71 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,320 and grow my pantyhose business. 72 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,600 Soon I will stand accused, 73 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,880 but how could I murder any woman when I live only to love them? 74 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,800 Is any of this set outside? 75 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,880 - A bit. - Pass. 76 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,200 Yeah, I'm not too sure about these characters. 77 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,040 They seem a little bit two-dimensional. 78 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,720 One's based on you. 79 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,240 Horace, mate, if you're gonna do role-play games, 80 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,480 you've got to hot-seat these characters. 81 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,760 What makes them tick, what do they eat for breakfast? 82 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,920 It sounds absurd but that's how people win BAFTAs. 83 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,480 (cuckoo sounds) 84 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,360 Oh my gosh, that cuckoo clock's been going off all day. 85 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:37,440 It's driving me mental. 86 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,560 I'm no Bill Oddie, but I'd say that that was a real-life cuckoo. 87 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,440 What you on about? 88 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,080 Cuckoos are real. You know that, right? 89 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:47,760 Yeah. 90 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:48,720 Found you! 91 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,120 Jason, if she wasn't in here the last three times, 92 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,840 I'd go ahead and tick this room off your list. 93 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,320 Baby? 94 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,120 Lauren, oh my God! 95 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,840 Overreaction. 96 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,600 Look, you're gonna think I'm crazy but I swear I saw-, 97 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:22,600 Saw what? 98 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,680 (cuckoo sounds) 99 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,000 There it is again. 100 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,560 Did you know cuckoos were real? 101 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,800 I swear I'm gonna smash its little head in. 102 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,040 Alright, you cuckoo twat. 103 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:34,840 We can do this the easy way, 104 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,920 where you come down and let me bludgeon you to death, 105 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,960 or you can really take the piss by making me climb up. 106 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,560 Come on, Jason, think. 107 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,560 Where would a woman hide? 108 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,840 (coughing) 109 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,720 Baby? Is that you? 110 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,240 No, no, no! 111 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,240 Who did you think you saw? 112 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,480 If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. 113 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:22,440 Try me. 114 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,600 How did he get through the time machine? 115 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,320 Has he been here all along? 116 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:28,840 And why does he look like a tramp? 117 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,240 I don't know, I don't care, I'm just gonna run. 118 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,000 He's found you in a random house in another century. 119 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,960 Wherever you go, he'll be there. 120 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,600 You need to face your demons. 121 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,040 Curtis ain't no demon. He's a pound shop terminator. 122 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,200 Remember Dwaine Thomas? Remember how we bullied you for years? 123 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,720 What is this, Desert Island dicks? 124 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,600 You decided you had enough of the beatings, 125 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,720 the taking of your tuck shop money, the insults. 126 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,160 He stopped bullying you because stood up for yourself. 127 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,480 No, he stopped when he got paralysed from the waist down. 128 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:54,680 Exactly-, wait, what? 129 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,560 He was chasing me for my FIFA stickers and got hit by a car. 130 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:58,720 Oh yeah. 131 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,840 Alright, well, run like the wind. 132 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,520 Yeah, see you in London. 133 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,480 Remember me! 134 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,040 Argh! 135 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:07,920 What you saying? 136 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,400 Curtis! Hey mate. 137 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,560 You look... homeless. 138 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,720 Man's been in Paraguay, still. 139 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,840 Business? Pleasure? 140 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,400 Fuck camp. 141 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:21,920 Pleasure, then. 142 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,240 Where's your boy going? 143 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,880 To get a lottery ticket. Tonight's a rollover. 144 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,960 What you gonna do, hit a girl? 145 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:34,240 Argh! 146 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,880 I am absolutely not hiding a moment longer! Where is he? 147 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,760 Something's come up and Jason's had to go back to London. 148 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:40,800 Oh. 149 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,000 Well, I hope he's a strong swimmer. 150 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,880 Dunwick Manor becomes an island when the tide comes in. 151 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,280 Right, well, looks like I'm gonna have to save the day, again! 152 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,760 I'm just gonna wait for that moth to fuck off. 153 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,200 Shit, shit, shit! 154 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,400 (coughing) 155 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,160 (screaming) 156 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,800 (laughter) 157 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,920 Aagh! Aagh! I've been murdered! 158 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,760 See? I made it look like the murderer climbed in through the window. 159 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,400 Tell-tale fibres caught in the rug. 160 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,000 God, I'm good at this. 161 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:34,320 (choking) 162 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,200 Santa Maria della Misericordia! 163 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:39,600 Who would do this? 164 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,440 I hope it was not me! 165 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,240 Can we take this seriously, please? 166 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,800 We're presenting the evidence in twenty minutes so a bit of focus, yeah? 167 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,280 What are you doing? This rug is a priceless antique. 168 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,600 No it's not, I bought it last month. 169 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,160 No, it will be if you took better care of it, trust me. 170 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:57,760 It's my rug. I'll do what I like. 171 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:58,920 Fine, blow it. 172 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,840 In 90 years this place will probably be an Ikea anyway. 173 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,120 Death has been here tonight. 174 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,240 [CURTIS] Wha gwan, Jason? 175 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,040 Wha gwan, Curtis? 176 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,000 [CURTIS] Man's been looking for you for a minute though, still. 177 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:18,680 You should've called, man. 178 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,600 I know I don't have my mobile but you could've caught me on my landline. 179 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,400 [CURTIS] (laughter) 180 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,200 How d'you find me? 181 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,960 [CURTIS] Come now Jason, you know I'm a roadman. 182 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,280 [CURTIS] When I say I'm gonna find you, I'm going to find you though. 183 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,800 If this is about me and Eleasha, we didn't even do what you think we did, 184 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,320 but even if we did, maybe I can, like, pay you or something? 185 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:42,080 Bruv! 186 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,760 Bruv, just let me go, just let me go. 187 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,160 I promise you'll never see me again, bruv, please. 188 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,120 Let you go, just like that? 189 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:57,400 Blood, I've crossed oceans of time to find you. 190 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,160 Roadman etiquette! 191 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,320 Roadman etiquette says you can't stab a man in the back. 192 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,840 I don't wanna die, bruv! 193 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:11,080 I never got a chance to say goodbye to my mum, see one last sunset. 194 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:15,560 [CURTIS] (coughing) - Me and Victoria didn't even get to smash. 195 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:18,840 (thud) 196 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:20,720 Bruv? 197 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:23,880 Bruv? 198 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,000 Jason! 199 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,280 Jason! 200 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,520 Fucking bush, get off me! 201 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,960 Jason, where are you, you prick? 202 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,440 Holy shit! 203 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,160 He started coughing and then he passed out. 204 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,800 I was gonna help him but he was trying to kill me, so I thought fuck him. 205 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,040 But then I didn't want anyone else to help him, so I thought I'd-, 206 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,600 Cover him with leaves? Jason, that's insane. 207 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,360 I know. Help me get him up, then. 208 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,440 No, I mean insanely good luck. 209 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,360 It's like Dwaine Thomas again. 210 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,600 You've just gotta wish someone harm and poof! 211 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,480 So... Jason did good? 212 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,800 Nah, you should use wet leaves so they don't blow away 213 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,200 and weigh him down with a heavy log. 214 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:10,040 I would help but I don't wanna touch anything that might have slug jizz on it. 215 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,760 Oi oi, look lively! We don't have much time. 216 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,840 Sorry bruv, I never got to know you. 217 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:17,960 Argh! 218 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,920 That nutjob chased you through time with a blade. 219 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,800 Now grow a pair and get your shit together, d'ya hear me? 220 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,720 - Yes, alright, you're hurting me man! - D'you hear me? 221 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,400 Yes, jeez. Argh! 222 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,640 Why would you put a handprint here? 223 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:32,880 Oh, I didn't. 224 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,640 No, no, it's really good. Really real. 225 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,160 No, but I didn't. 226 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,240 Hey guys! 227 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,400 Hey Lauren. 228 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,400 I thought you weren't playing? 229 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,720 'Course I'm playing. 230 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,160 I'm pumped about playing! 231 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,040 Us all playing together, in the distant past. 232 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,160 It's a great, fun, normal thing to do. 233 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,800 Oh, here's your character synopsis. 234 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,720 'Penelope Gout, the beekeeping spinster. 235 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,840 Barren, bitter and boring, 236 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,240 though strangely popular with children and foxes.' 237 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,960 Let me guess, you wrote this part for me? 238 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,920 I added the bit about the foxes. 239 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,160 Great! 240 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:07,680 Love it. 241 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:09,960 Classic Horace. 242 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,240 - Are you okay? - Yeah, why wouldn't I be? 243 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:15,760 You're smiling. 244 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:17,960 Have you been outside? 245 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,440 You know what I'm like with all that nature and shit. 246 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:22,640 No thanks. 247 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,080 That's a Twiglet. 248 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,600 Yum. Awkward. 249 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:54,720 Victoria! 250 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:56,800 Oh my God! 251 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,320 Curtis killed my baby! 252 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,280 (laughter) 253 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:04,400 Fooled you! 254 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,560 - Who's Curtis? - Baby! 255 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,040 I thought you were swimming to London? 256 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,160 What? No. 257 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,400 Look, I did a bad thing and I'm not supposed to say anything 258 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:13,880 but I think he might be dead and-, 259 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,040 Did you beat him with your truncheon? 260 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:16,920 What? 261 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,920 Did you tussle in the mud, 262 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,720 Detective Chocolate and the killer locked in a deadly embrace, 263 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,840 thigh slipping against sweating thigh? 264 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,480 No, he just coughed and fell over. 265 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,920 Take me! I'm ready. 266 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,160 - Sorry. - What is it? 267 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,400 Nah, it's nothing, it's fine, it's fine. 268 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,640 - I just need a minute, I'm sorry. - Okay. 269 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,320 Come on, Jason, focus. 270 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,320 You got this bruv, yeah, you got this. 271 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,840 Gaahh! Yes, let's go! 272 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,720 (laughter) 273 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,080 Darling, whatever is the matter? 274 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,200 Shit! I can't do this. I'm sorry. 275 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,960 It's not you, it's me. 276 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,600 - I can't do it, I'm sorry babes. - How mortifying for you. 277 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,360 It's just, I keep seeing this man's face. 278 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,440 Oh, I see. 279 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,320 Would it help if I wore a beard and spoke 280 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,600 (deeper voice) like this? 281 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,440 This don't feel good. 282 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,040 Probably cos it's made out of horse pubes. Just take it off. 283 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,240 Not my moustache! Curtis. 284 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,520 Are we really just gonna leave him to die? 285 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,640 It's fine. 286 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,160 It's like one of those nature documentaries. 287 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,000 If Attenborough sees a dying elephant, he doesn't intervene, 288 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,040 he just lets nature take its course. 289 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,360 How are you so cool about this? 290 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,280 Because what's done is done, Jase. 291 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,080 I don't live in the past. 292 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,800 I mean, I do, literally, but you get my point. 293 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,040 Who's ever gonna find out? 294 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,400 (gong) 295 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,960 There has been a murder! 296 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,280 It was me! 297 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,120 In the game, you idiot! 298 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:27,040 I, Detective Wolton of Scotland Yard, shall identify the culprit. 299 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,320 What accent is that? 300 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:30,720 Scottish. 301 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:36,840 A young life has been cruelly snuffed out. 302 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,040 Ah! 303 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,480 And it is my intention to find that snuffer. 304 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,960 Was it you, fiery Latino playboy Raul? 305 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,720 Or was it you, bitter bee-botherer Penelope Gout? 306 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,760 Or was it you? - I swear, I barely touched him. 307 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,360 - Say what? - He just fell over. Lauren, tell him. 308 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,800 Please, my friend, no need to take the rap. 309 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,400 Perhaps it was I. 310 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,520 I killed for love, and for love I must hang. 311 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,200 Sorry, why is everyone confessing? We've just started the game. 312 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,880 Yeah, why don't you shut up? 313 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,720 The point is, one of us is responsible for a heinous crime 314 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,200 the likes of which has never been seen before! 315 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,360 Oh my God! Is this-, 316 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,400 This is fucking twisted! Was this you? 317 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,000 No. Well, maybe. 318 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,480 That's what we're here to find out. 319 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,920 If you knew, why didn't you just say instead of fucking with my mind 320 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,520 on your moral high horse? 321 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,360 Are you okay? Is this acting? 322 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,720 Yeah, he's just getting into character. 323 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,360 - He knows. - Knows what? 324 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,200 Don't play dumb. 325 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,640 Alright Jason, this is too real. 326 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,560 Just give him a moment. 327 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,600 Not that I'm taking credit, but that's the kinda magic that happens 328 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,000 when you give your character a back story. 329 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:54,600 I can't live like this. 330 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,120 I've gotta help him, even if it means certain death. 331 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,480 What if he doesn't kill you? 332 00:16:58,720 --> 00:16:59,880 What if he cuts off your dick? 333 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,600 How you gonna live without the only thing you care about? 334 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,800 My dick ain't my friend no more, anyway. 335 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,040 Get out my way! 336 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,280 Don't throw your dick away for some psycho badman. 337 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,240 Okay, if you don't want me to know something 338 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,320 could you at least make an effort not discuss it right outside the room I'm in? 339 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:24,400 Hold on, as in Curtis, big knife Curtis, 'I will find you' Curtis? 340 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:28,040 How did he even-, - We've done the hows and whys. Move on! 341 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,680 The guy's a psycho and we're better off with him-, 342 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:31,520 Gone? 343 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,720 Nah, he was here! Curtis was right here! 344 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,240 You weighed him down with a log like I said, right? 345 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,560 Why did you not weigh him down like I said? 346 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,200 Wait, so you were involved in this? 347 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,040 It was all her idea, bruv! 348 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,160 It was my idea to sex his fiancée? 349 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,480 Look, I can't help who I fall in love with! 350 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,960 Look, it's fine, alright? 351 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,640 It was probably foxes that took him, or one of those spiky fuckers. 352 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,800 A hedgehog? 353 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,000 Judging from the trail of blood and the disturbance on the forest floor, 354 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,600 this man was alive when he dragged himself out of the shallow grave 355 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,240 and towards the casa! 356 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,480 Oh shit, he's alive! 357 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,160 Well, good luck sorting out this shit-storm you two have cooked up. 358 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,840 What, so you're just gonna leave? 359 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,040 It's your beef, you deal with it. 360 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,920 If you need me, I'll be on the parterre 361 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,800 eating kippers and picking bluebells like a Jane fucking Austen fantasy. 362 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,880 What makes you think he won't get us all? 363 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,040 (woman screaming) 364 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,320 My baby! 365 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:35,880 Guys? 366 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:37,400 Do we really need to? 367 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,840 It's just, if he's already killed her, there's not much we can do. 368 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:41,640 Seriously? 369 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,760 We could wait 'til he goes away. 370 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,840 Nah, there's only one thing we can do. 371 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:46,840 I don't want to hear this. 372 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,400 We have to kill him. 373 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,200 Well, this is desperate, but Horace, any ideas? 374 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,320 Group suicide. 375 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:55,720 Jesus Christ. 376 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,400 I'm looking at a whole cabinet of shotguns. 377 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,720 Surely 'talk to him' is our first option. Surely. 378 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:01,760 No, I'm with Lauren. 379 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,800 Yeah, we can make it look like a hunting accident. 380 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:04,920 Say we thought it was a deer. 381 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,800 A six-foot black guy in a puffer? 382 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,000 A tall deer. 383 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,320 On its hind legs, in a puffer. 384 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,960 A puffer deer. 385 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,400 Look, it's been a long day, yeah? I don't see you brainstorming. 386 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,000 Brainstorming, is that what this is? 387 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,400 Oh, shall we do another fifteen minutes, then break for lunch? 388 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,560 I have hunted the wild cougars of Patagonia. 389 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,600 Let me be the one to fire the gun. 390 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,240 Oh my God, no one is shooting guns at anyone. 391 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,120 Except maybe whoever took this gun out the cabinet. 392 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,480 Why would he be in a cigar box? 393 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,080 Why would he not be, is my response to that. 394 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,560 Dios mio, a clue! 395 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,400 Alright, we're gonna need to split up. 396 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,800 Jason, you're with me. Horace, you're-, 397 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,280 Shit, where's Horace? 398 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,400 He only answers to Raul now. 399 00:19:58,840 --> 00:19:59,160 (gunshot) 400 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,560 Raul! 401 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,960 Horace, thank God! 402 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,720 Hello darlings! 403 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,680 Sorry for that screaming earlier, I simply could not bear that sound any longer. 404 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,040 Cuckoo! Cuckoo! What a horror. 405 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,800 You killed him? Sweet! 406 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,360 Baby, I thought you were dead. 407 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,920 Bless you, my sweet coffee liqueur. 408 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,200 I'm quite well. 409 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,040 Alas, your raggedy friend is rather less so. 410 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,200 I wouldn't get too close, darling! 411 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,640 He's riddled with tuberculosis. 412 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,160 I rather think he might die. 413 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,480 Ah, thank God. See, he was gonna die anyways. 414 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,200 You still left a man outside to die. 415 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,760 - Oh, that's more like it! - Well, would you look at that? 416 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,120 [VICTORIA] Oh, take me to prison! 417 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,240 Sweet, sweet bird. 418 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,000 Sorry man, I thought this was what I wanted. 419 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,200 What's become of us? 420 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:06,560 (birds calling) 421 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,320 Eugh, gross, man! Its fucking guts have gone on my hand! 422 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,600 [VICTORIA] Oh yes, Detective Chocolate! 423 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:22,320 I don't wanna die. 424 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:28,040 Hush, hermano mio, Raul is with you now. 425 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,480 He will soothe your bubbly lungs and hold your hand as death comes, 426 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:38,200 which it must, for there is no cure in this age for tuberculosis. 427 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,600 Got it! 428 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:47,440 So Lady Camilla found the letter revealing Raul's true identity, 429 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,000 so he killed her, obviously. 430 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,160 No, no, no. I am innocente! 431 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,040 It was me. Some shit about stolen honey or something. 432 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,840 [VICTORIA] In, now out! 433 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,400 [JASON] Guys, I put it all the way in! 434 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,800 I hate this place.